Now I only saw five minutes of this film but it was enough to convince me of what a desperate desperate place Seventies Britain was. Did they really queue in line for this? Maybe the commies weren’t so crazy after all, at least queuing for bread serves some sort of purpose, what’s the point of queuing up to see a man get hit in the penis with a roller blind?

“Hey H., you know what would be awesome? A service where you could register a group of friends’ phone numbers, then when you’re out and about, you text your location to a server and your friends could text the server and find out where all their friends are.”
“You mean like Dodgeball?”

I search for “Dodgeball text” and find out that not only has someone already thought of this, but Google has bought them already.

All the same, someone needs to launch this in Ireland. It would make weekends so much easier to organise. I hope this is built into Live Anywhere.

My DVD inbox – movies I haven’t seen or whose DVDs special features I haven’t watched – has grown to 60 DVDs. I figure this is a good time to take a look through the list and see what’s going on. Maybe figure out why I’m having such trouble getting through them. If you’re interested, the full list is available on listal.com.

Genre

To be honest, I’m amazed that drama features so highly. From looking at my list, I’d have guessed Horror or Sci-Fi would be the most popular genre. I put this down to shoddy tagging on IMDB. Or a really bad personal definition of “horror”. Cutthroat Island is horrific, so that makes it horror… right?

Decade

For an eighties kid, the 1980s are seriously underrepresented here.
(This was the first bar-chart I’ve ever made in excel. I had to get H. to help me.)

Language

I couldn’t be bothered breaking this down any further. Although I’d say that the majority of the foreign-language movies were Japanese, from the large amount of J-Horror waiting to scare the pants off me.

TV Shows

I’ve all but given up watching TV now. I tend to do all my TV watching via bittorrent or DVD. This is probably lower than I would have guessed. Still haven’t gotten around to watching Six Feet Under yet. Is it wrong that I am completely unable to get excited about this show? Loving Carnivale though.

I finished reading Douglas Coupland’s JPod last night. Here are a couple of my theories regarding this book:

• Douglas Coupland is completely out of ideas and is gently strolling down the David Sedaris route of desperately presenting the most mundane situations and ideas as innovative. Not only that, but he knows it. There’s a twinge of panic about JPod that completely sets it apart from the laid-back coolness of Microserfs.
• He got so sick of people asking for a sequel to Microserfs that he decided to punish them by churning out something that takes the same style and formula but takes it to the point where it actually mocks the reader. Case in point: 40 pages of the first 100,000 numbers of Pi with one wrong digit. What is this? The Da Vinci Code for autistics?
• Maybe he really has, once again, completely captured the zeitgeist and the world is actually full of the same kind of boring, selfish fuckholes that appear as characters in JPod.

Personally, I think it’s probably a combination of all three.

Critics:

“Frighteningly bad cinema is the only thing scary about Alone in the Dark, which gives video-game movies an even worse name, if that’s possible.”

“They say that even ugly babies have faces their mothers love, but this is truly a film that not even hardcore genre fans could appreciate.”

“Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV.”

Uwe Boll:

“I WILL LITERALLY KICK THE ASS OF ANYONE WHO HATED MY FILMS.”

Uwe Boll, worst director in the world, is offering critics of his films the chance to get into the ring with him and settle their scores with fisticuffs. The critics will be chosen by Uwe Boll, flown to Vancouver, put up in a hotel as a guest of Uwe Boll and will finally step into the ring with Boll, where he will film the match to be included in his new film Postal, starring Gary Coleman.

Uwe Boll has now, officially, lost the plot.